Sunday, July 8, 2007

John Fund: Just a Rakish Playboy in the Playground of LOVE

(Also known as Little John)

John Fund, formerly with the Wall Street Journal, shares similar fantasies, focusing on his sexuality. Our inside source tell us that for the first 11 years of his life he had absolutely no friends, not even one. Then, another boy moved into the neighborhood and insisted that although John was unprepossessing and strange in his personal habits that it was not correct to torment him. Never again was Little John forced to act as Home Base during the spontaneous neighborhood baseball games. Instead, the group began studying the work of Adolph Hitler.

At that moment in time a new world opened up for Little John,aptly named. His friend ensured he was no longer tormented and also persuaded his mother to dress him differently. A thrifty German woman, Little John's mother had insisted on using up the lovely pink rose endowed material she had acquired at a very good price when, expecting the birth of a long awaited daughter, she had been confronted instead by Little John.

So the rosebuds were retired to await potential grandchildren and Little John was garbed anew in good sturdy clothing from the sale racks at the local Salvation Army. With the world opening up to the golden glow of normality and friendship Little John also found himself able to indulge some of his most heart felt fantasies, the first of these was to make his very own trading cards for politicians. The local grocer was startled by the thought of a trading card featuring Abraham Lincoln but shaken by the next suggestion that Adolph Hitler would also figure in the growing collection. He declined to carry the line of cards produced by Little John, suggesting gently that the interest would be limited.

Soon, having always exhibited a taste for the odd and off beat, Little John went off to college where his tenure was foreshortened by a tragic incident in the dorm room of a young lady. Little John was so traumatized by the incident that he required therapy for five years, thus explaining his reluctance to admit his real age. Thankfully, since his home was located in Live Oak, California near Sacramento he was not placed under the care of Nathaniel Branden.

After five years Little John was able to emerge from his bedroom without undue whimpering and soon found employment as Executive Director for the Libertarian Party of California. He had spent the intervening years writing and studying his growing collection of trading cards to good purpose and was trained and ready for a career in politics.

As one of the perks of his new job he was allowed to sleep on the floor of the campaign office and was not put to the bother of cashing annoying pay checks. Libertarians, being the Party of Principle, never use theirs so as to keep them pristine and inviolate.

Soon after this Little John received an offer that seemed too good to be true. Robert Novak responded to his inquiry regarding employment and offered him a job emptying trash cans at Evans and Novak in Washington D. C. Thus provided with the means of proving himself Little John decamped for the East Coast, supporting himself writing lurid and squalid articles for the Star News anonymously. This last actually proved to be of core usefulness later in his career at the Wall Street Journal.

Little John got to know Karl while still emptying trash baskets at Evans and Novak. The rest is history.

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