What do you mean I can't have him mounted????

And so it goes in the life of a Vice President, one heart beat away from the seat of Presidential Power, though, as now is generally obvious, Cheney was functioning as President of the United States in George W. Bush's first term.  That is why we had that exciting adventure with the thoroughly subdued Iraq and eliminated Saddam Saddam Hussein.   It was all in OilGuy Dick's plan.  

Back to the Hunt, Dick argued with the paramedics, insisting they be allowed to do their job, while Dick followed them insisting he had the perfect place on the wall of his office that really needed filling.

The medics were nervous, but firm.

Twenty four hours later news of the accident was released and the place on the Vice-Presidential office wall remains to be filled.  Any volunteers to go on a hunt with Dickie Boy?

The Chief of Staff reminded the Vice President that the target victim, a billionaire, had been a generous donor to their cause in many ways, both official and unofficial.

Never one to bemoan what cannot be helped, Dick returned to Washington to discuss unfolding events with staff and the Commander in Chief; All are aglow with enthusiasm.

Will Teddy Kennedy, Al Gore, and John Kerry join him on a very special hunting party? Their offices have as yet issued no statement.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

A NeoCon Valentine for you from Simon The Jester

Valentine's Day approaches. Piles of heart shaped boxes have sprung up like mushrooms in the stores. Reservations at romantic restaurants and get-away spots are filling up. Valentine's Day is a time for fantasy, not reality. It is a bright spot in the landscape of a calendar filled with oppression and concerns, economic and political, and provides a time, for those of us watching, to pause to consider what we know about those now now in control of our government.

What are THEIR fantasies? How do they view themselves? And, most fascinating, where did those fantasies originate? If Karl Rove could send a valentine out to you what image and text would speak his most intimate fantasies? We can't know – but we can certainly speculate.
Of course in most ways this is not funny in the least mostly because when you consider the actions of the above individuals the valentines make a horrible kind of sense, you will notice.

If these are the fantasies that propelled them then the underlying reasons for our present direction sort of crystallizes. One also wonders about what form their more recent fantasies have taken.

Are they, as you read this, designing the uniforms for those private SS troop or originating even more ways to reduce us to servility and serfdom? Are they calling their bookkeepers to find out how much more they need in offshore accounts to buy their own personal island?

Frightening thoughts, all of them.

These NeoCon Valentines are designed to inform, educate and amuse, wear and use.
We here at STOP the Neoconning hope these small love offerings brighten your day in the face of the impending revocation of both the Constitution and Bill of Rights. Items bearing these graphics can be purchased at our store site: THE STOPNeoconning Store

So here are the speculations of STOPNeoconning, Simon Jester providing the background, psychic interface, insights and glee.

Jack Abramoff: I'm blue from mooning you.....

Our first speculations and rumors touch the fantasy life of Jack Abramoff. You know about Jack because he is now under fire for converting the job of lobbyist into a cynosure for graft and deceit at unprecedented levels and conspired for thirty years with a cadre of other NeoCons also determined to convert the process of governance into a reliable income stream for themselves. Our inside sources have told us a few little things about Jack that that explain him and reveal his most intimate fantasies. It is a sad story so brace yourself.

Afflicted with severe acne for 18 months between the pivotal ages of 14 and 15 ½, Jack never recovered. His fantasies seem to have been evoked to help him deal with this traumatic assault on his self esteem. He needed desperately to see himself as strong, masculine, and powerful.

Jack's father, a macho type or stereotypical Jewish patriarch, discovered Young Jack gyrating to an Elvis record in front of the mirror in his mother's dressing room and immediately sent young Jack to Nathaniel Brandon for therapy. Jack's father was not as concerned about the gyrating as he was about Jack's singing voice and his borrowing his mother's high heels and bra.

Of course, Jack never recovered because he did not stay in therapy long enough to hear about all of Branden's traumas, which is core Branden technique. Jack escaped, taking with him the Elvis suit, a box of hair products and three dozen pairs of sunglasses. He did, however, acquire from Brenden a familiarity with Libertarianism and the works of Ayn Rand. His subsequent education and activities lead him into the College Republicans where he met, among others well known to you, Karl Rove, Ralph Reed, Grover Norquist, and John Fund.

Ralph Reed: Just because we could......

Our next NeoCon fantasizer is Ralph Reed. Young Ralph, a sensitive young boy, suffered from being the tenth of 23 children born to his mother before she was 35. His father is his maternal uncle as well.

His sisters made a horrifying practice of dressing Young Ralph up in their clothing and since the family could not afford to buy him boy's clothing Young Ralph was forced to go to school not only dressed as a girl but in uncoordinated outfits. His next oldest sister, Bertha Mae, entered him in the town beauty contest and, to his further humiliation, he won. Although the prize of grooming and modeling lessons stood him in good stead, still, it had an impact.

Given the circumstances, all of us can understand how he could have felt a need to exert his power through a more masculine image by effectively seducing the credulous in as large numbers as possible.

Our inside sources have it that the strategy of politicizing church-goers habituated to such preachers as Tammy Fay Baker, James Baker and their ilk was only the overt, political agenda behind his career. This approach was formulated over one long weekend spent at a bar in South Carolina with Pat Robertson, Karl Rove, Grover Norquist and Jack Abramoff. John Fund was informed of the plan later and added significant defining points.

Grover Norquist: Love Offering

Grover Norquist's fantasies focused always on his masculinity, which he strongly associated with death and mayhem.  

His fascination with guns, sharp objects, and bombs dates from kindergarten when he took a Gatling gun from his father's collection to school for Show and Tell. The sublimation is obvious and so need not be baldly stated.

In his earliest days on the school playground, when he devised his first confidence scheme, and produced his first junta, no one understood his driving need for control. His first take over failed when the principal discovered the teacher tied and gagged in the lunch room and this, too, added to his sense of inadequacy. 

He was punished, and in such as way that he was further traumatized, learning that covert means and doctoring records and ballots were far more effective means for gaining his ends.

When Grover was 16 he met Karl Rove and finally found someone who truly understood and sympathized with his early traumas. Karl saw the real potential still slumbering in Grover and set him on the path he still treads today. 

The same bar in South Carolina witnessed the formulation of the plan, that with Ralph Reed's recalibration of low end churches into the Religious Right, resulted in the transition blocks that allowed the Republican Party to reverse the flow of social progress, maintaining power until the problem of securing a reliable means for manufacturing electoral outcomes could be solved.

Between Karl, Grover, Jack, Ralph, and John there grew up a rather touching brotherhood. We will not delve further into THAT, but along with the sublimation of normal urges also arose a cooperative and exciting compilation comprised of the many and varied strategic and tactical approaches these individuals had discovered to allow them to win despite the normal conduct expected of civilized individuals and eventually provided the needed insight into finishing off the Constitution and Bill of Rights. Many long nights were spent comparing notes and other things.

Curiously, none of them have actually served in the military. If they had the fantasies might have been different.

John Fund: Just a Rakish Playboy in the Playground of LOVE

(Also known as Little John)


John Fund, formerly with the Wall Street Journal, shares similar fantasies, focusing on his sexuality, what  he has of this. 

 Our inside source tell us that for the first 11 years of his life he had absolutely no friends, not even one. Then, another boy moved into the neighborhood and insisted that although John was unprepossessing and strange in his personal habits that it was not correct to torment him.

Never again was Little John forced to act as Home Base during the spontaneous neighborhood baseball games. Instead, the group began studying the work of Adolph Hitler.

At that moment in time a new world opened up for Little John, aptly named. His friend ensured he was no longer tormented and also persuaded his mother to dress him differently. A thrifty German woman, Little John's mother had insisted on using up the lovely pink rose endowed material she had acquired at a very good price when, expecting the birth of a long awaited daughter, she had been confronted instead by Little John.

So the rosebuds were retired to await potential grandchildren, which John would do nothing to provide,  and Little John was garbed anew in good sturdy clothing from the sale racks at the local Salvation Army.

 With the world opening up to the golden glow of normality and friendship Little John also found himself able to indulge some of his most heart felt fantasies, the first of these was to make his very own trading cards for politicians. The local grocer was startled by the thought of a trading card featuring Abraham Lincoln but shaken by the next suggestion that Adolph Hitler would also figure in the growing collection. He declined to carry the line of cards produced by Little John, suggesting gently that the interest would be limited.

Soon, having always exhibited a taste for the odd and off beat, Little John went off to college where his tenure was foreshortened by a tragic incident in the dorm room of a young lady. Little John was so traumatized by the incident that he required therapy for five years, thus explaining his reluctance to admit his real age. Thankfully, since his home was located in Live Oak, California near Sacramento he was not placed under the care of Nathaniel Branden.

After five years, Little John was able to emerge from his bedroom without undue whimpering and soon found employment as Executive Director for the Libertarian Party of California. Sort of.  At least this is what he told people far enough away that they did not realize this was not a fact.  

He had spent the intervening years writing and studying his growing collection of trading cards to good purpose and was trained and ready for a career in politics.

As one of the perks of his new job he was allowed to sleep on the floor of the campaign office and was not put to the bother of cashing annoying pay checks. Libertarians, being the Party of Principle, never use their principles, so as to keep them pristine and inviolate.

Soon after this Little John received an offer that seemed too good to be true. 

Robert Novak responded to his inquiry regarding employment and offered him a job emptying trash cans at Evans and Novak in Washington D. C. 

Thus provided with the means of proving himself, Little John decamped for the East Coast, supporting himself writing lurid and squalid articles for the Star News anonymously. This last actually proved to be of core usefulness later in his career at the Wall Street Journal.

Little John got to know Karl while still emptying trash baskets at Evans and Novak. The rest is history.

Karl Rove: The Valentine Sweet Delight

Our inside sources were at first frustrated in their attempts to find out anything about Karl Rove. But after a trek back into the nether regions of the South a few elderly folks were found and provided the following information.

The sad reality that came upon poor Karl when he was still in his teens, that the man to whom his mother was married, who he had always viewed as a father, was not in fact the man who sired him, sent shock waves down the fragile stability that then held together his self image. It was a final blow to an already shaky self image.

Young Karl's family had come out of strange beginnings. The story, and it certainly explains subsequent events, is that his mother became pregnant while carrying a water bucket the quarter mile to the local stream. Their shack, located in the nether regions of the Appalachians, was without running water and without electricity. The closest phone was located ten miles away.

Informed by visual developments of his daughter's condition Karl's grandfather refused to allow a marriage because he characterized the Karl's father, as “no account.” Soon, however, taking her new born child, Karl's mother fled the hills and ended up in the red light district of a large town in Colorado. There she found employment and, eventually, a husband. Several more children were born to the family. Karl's new father, who never adopted him, was poor but honest. The family faced constant financial problems that forced them to move frequently.

The shame, uncertainty, and instability caused Karl to gaze with extreme longing at the lives of privilege lived by his school mates. But in addition to the bald facts of his own origins Karl was everything that bred contempt in children. A constant outsider, he was despised at school because he was clumsy on the play ground, frequently tripping over his own feet when forced by circumstance to play games.

Karl retreated into himself, living a rich fantasy life wherein he dominated through his superior mind and wit. Sublimating his hunger for recognition for food, he soon became addicted to food in all forms. His fantasies and lack of funds moved him to paste pictures of tempting delicacies up on his bedroom walls along with the scavenged photos of the men he admired.  These men were always powerful and entirely dishonest in the means used to gain their wealth and prominence.

Food, the textures, tastes, and fulfillment of food was a gratification that never failed him. His first favorites were Pillsbury products of various kinds and the Pillsbury Doughboy became an addition to his private hall of heroes as soon as the fat, amiable image was introduced as part of an advertising campaign when Karl was still in his teens.

Often forced by circumstance to hide in the school library, he soon began reading books in depth, gravitating to those that told the stories of men who conquered despite the obstacles of life. He was especially struck by the stories of military heroes and soon saw the correlation in military strategy to those of politics.

Determined to make his career in politics he joined the Republican Party because the Democratic Party regulars were drawn from the parents of the children who had tormented him on the playground in his grade and middle school.

Karl was highly intelligent and learned the skills of ingratiating himself to those in power early on. His driving needs produced an ability to see the motives behind the activities of those individuals with whom he dealt, so providing him with the essential means to manipulate events.

In the 70s he came to the attention of George Bush, Senior, who recognizing the drive and talents impervious to others, hired him as an operative for plans to enlarge the reach of the Republican party through the intellectually challenged congregations of Southern Baptists located in the southern states.  

He was to formulate and organize the effort needed to assure Bush and the petroleum interests here presented that the gas would continue to flow from pumps so that wealth would continue to fill their bank accounts. This has proven a good investment. It was to be his first job in politics and, in some sense the only job he has ever held.

A Final Note to the Reader

Of course in most ways this is not funny in the least mostly because when you consider the actions of the above individuals the valentines do make a horrible kind of sense, don't they?

If these are the fantasies that propelled them, then the underlying reasons for our present direction sort of crystallizes. One also wonders about what form their more recent fantasies have taken.

Given their predilections they have not only planned the first American SS, Internal Security but bickered about which of them would be able to use their favorite designs for the uniforms.

Are they calling their bookkeepers to find out how much more they need in offshore accounts to buy their own personal island? It would be a relief to hope they might, eventually, plan to leave.

All questions remaining to be answered.

These NeoCon Valentines are designed to inform, educate, amuse. and spark discourse. No one is taking the present threat to our lives and liberties seriously enough.

We here at STOP the Neoconning hope these small love offerings brighten your day in the face of the impending revocation of both the Constitution and Bill of Rights. May brightening your day galvanize you into action.